when I'm CROSS

My mother says when I am cross
As I am now and then,
It’s better not to talk at all,But count inside, to ten.
‘Cos if you do it slowlyJust like this: one, two, three, four!

By the time you’ve finished,You’re not angry anymore!
It sounds all right, but then somehow,It doesn’t work with me,
And when I’ve counted up to tenI’m cross as I can be.

And so I’ve found another way,I whisper very low,And so that no one else can hear

The rudest words I know:Bother, bloomin’, hang and drat,Female, blazes, beast and cat.

Golly, blinkin’, pig and mug,Spit and stomach, bosh and slug.

When I’ve said all these I findI can feel quite good and kind.Aunt Jane comes to stay with us,She’s awfully tall and thin.

She always makes me very cross,As soon as she comes in.Because she says ‘Now don’t do that’And ‘Don’t make such a noise’She says ‘Be seen and never heard’s The rule for little boys.’

She tells me not to slam the door, And not to tease the cat, And ‘Don’t speak with your mouth full, child’And silly things like that.

I often think I’d like to throwAn ink pot at her head.But then I’d get in such a row,And so I say instead:-Bother, bloomin’, hang and drat,Female, blazes, beast and cat.Golly, blinkin’, pig and mug,Spit and stomach, bosh and slug, Then I say it all again,Out loud I say ‘Yes, aunt Jane.’I know you won’t believe it, But I’ve seen it, - and it’s real!

My mummy’s bought a baby girl

Imagine how I feel.It’s not a nice one, either‘Cos it’s ugly, and it’s bald.It’s not the leastest bit of good,It won’t come when it’s called.If she’d only bought a puppyWell, that wouldn’t be half bad!But to go and waste her pennies on a baby – makes me mad!

When I first heard about itI hid down in the shed
At the bottom of the garden,
And right out loud I said:-Bother, bloomin’, hang and drat,Female, blazes, beast and cat.
Golly, blinkin’, pig and mug, Spit and stomach, bosh and slug.I said another one as well,I’d better spell this H-E-L!